I feel fear still but it is no longer my enemy. For years I struggled with paralysing fear that used to cause havoc in my body. Anxiety steered my life and I actually had a condition where my skin broke out in an intense rash, I had to go to the emergency room at the hospital every now and again to get treated. Now, after treating it a bit better (no medical treatment by the way, just weeding the cause) I can actually cope with feeling the fear but going ahead anyways.
In the Beginning
I remember so many instances that I have had opportunities to do something I really AMAZING. Speaking opportunities, interviews for jobs that I really wanted to get, DJ’ing in front of huge crowds, filming massive television commercials, shooting fantastic campaigns etc. and I can honestly say that 99.9% of these experiences was an absolute nightmare for me. It’s not that I didn’t want to be there, after all, I worked hard to get the opportunities. It was just that my fear of failure and rejection was so overwhelming it completely ruined those moments for me.
The Role Played By Your Past Experiences
Out of past experiences I had in my childhood, parents abandoning me and many other tit bits of things happening to “mentally” convince me that I could not and am not good enough this became somewhat of a reality to to me. This is obviously just a lie my mind convinced me to be true out of past experience. Unfortunately the little girl who suffered all those wounds in early life, has not yet healed or dealt with and therefore I have carried those crucial scars with me into adult hood. I recently discovered a couple of things which helped me with this and the first thing is to re parent yourself.
What is Re Parenting?
“Reparenting is the act of giving yourself what you didn’t receive as a child” — Dr. Nicole LePera
When you reparent yourself, you give your inner child the love, acceptance and confidence you should have been given when you were younger. You’re able to identify your limiting beliefs, recognize their roots and let them go. Read more on re parenting here
Feel The Fear
Consciousness is something that really is the only true route to get a handle on your fears. Even when you practice re parenting you still need a HUGE level of “being present or conscious” to realise what the hell is plotting in your head and feelings. But here is the deal, instead of “talking over yourself” you know, that voice that goes “Don’t be silly, just ignore it” you need to actually tell that voice to F#$%^ off so that you can truly experience the feeling fear is creating in your body.
Practicing Ritual for Feeling Fear
- Something happens and all of a sudden you feel tension, doubt, unworthy, low self esteem, angry any of these feelings are manifested from fear.
- Evaluate almost like an internal physician “where do I feel this fear” it might be your stomach muscles, the pit of your stomach, your shoulders are all of a sudden pulled up, you have a knot in your thought, your tongue is pressed against the top of your pallet.
- Once you have located the origin of the feeling of fear stay there for as long as possible feel it and it will usually dissipate.
Treat Fear With Respect
Fear is an emotion not to be put in a corner. You will never escape it and if you don’t give it the necessary attention it needs it will come back to bite you one way or the other. We run away from it but thats not how we get in control of our fears. I say get in control because you will never “beat fear” fear is good healthy and a part of life, it keeps us safe and it is trying to tell us something. Your body does not interpret the difference between a real physical danger and a danger created in your mind. You therefore need to feel that fear and make the mental links in terms of why it is there, is it reasonable, what is causing it. Just like a stream of water you need to get to a dam you need to identify where it is coming from and then channel it to where you need it to go. You will never be fearless, you just need to channel, channel, channel.