I have been lucky enough to have had a couple of life experiences that falls out of what people would classify as the norm. I call them special experiences/accomplishments which in turn formed me into a special human with a unique “make-up”. I never used it to further myself, instead I spent most time comparing myself to others and tried to please everyone around me. I became absolutely 100% average. I fit in perfectly made everyone happy and it killed me. This is the story of how I broke away from it.
In my mind, I always play out what I SHOULD have said in the meetings, or during arguments when I wanted someone to understand my view, or when I was casting for TV adverts, standing on stage speaking trying to brave. Before opportunities I always play out what I want to say how I want to act. But I never did. I froze and instead said what was safe, what would not make others judge me, laugh at me, or what would not “upset” the other person.
I literally took my unique abilities, experiences and personality and literally squashed my authentic self to fit into the “normal” mould. Just another brick in the wall.
I have spent about 3 years since realizing what was happening to do enough work to get to a point where I can actually talk about it and change it. Not just talk about it for my own sake but also to share a little bit of what I have learned and how I am slowly but surely “un-basic-bitching” myself to help others who might have stepped in the same poop. For lack of a better word.
Firstly don’t look at someone else doing well and try to copy them. Jealousy and envy go hand in hand and create a lot of chaos. We are all different, some have different strengths than others, but it’s incredibly important to know what you are good at and to know what you are not good at. Fish were meant to swim birds were meant to fly, and so that’s what they do best and they excel. If you focus on your strengths you are enabling yourself to be great. This will give you the starting block to build courage and self-confidence to do and pursue the direction which is your destiny.
Secondly all the cool stuff like life experiences, great job opportunities, having your own business, having an amazing partner, wonderful friends, world experiences like travel are not going to land on your lap. You are going to have to make them happen. You are going to have to make them happen by making decisions. The decisions are going to be scary and you will try and avoid it at all cost because you don’t want to feel that “uncomfortable” feeling of change and challenge. I read a wonderful book called “The 5 second rule” which teaches you to make decisions before your mind tricks you into rather “playing safe”. I highly recommend it.
I know it is easier said than done but be yourself. You don’t want to offend, you want to keep the peace and you don’t want to be singled out, I get it. I have been there. But you have to learn to chuck those feelings in the f@ck-it bucket. Playing safe has not gotten anyone anywhere. Decide in your mind what your principles are, what your rules are going to be and stick to your guns. Know yourself, trust yourself and let your moral compass guide you. Don’t deceive yourself, you would not do that to a friend so don’t do it to yourself.
Don’t try and be “someone else” for the world, in the way you think they want you to be, because you are wrong. You will be surprised what the world wants more of. In a world of stereotypes, refuse to be one, don’t fit in. I am not saying going totally left wing and crazy. I am just saying don’t adjust yourself to make everyone around you feel better, more comfortable, less challenged etc. More important to remember, you will NEVER be liked by everyone, you will never be able to PLEASE everyone so don’t try. Rather be honest to yourself by being yourself and the rest will fall into place.
Don’t fake it till you make it. Be humble, don’t be that guy that pretends that you rock in all aspects of your life but you really don’t. In fact you are just a loser living in your mothers basement. If you are living a lie you are killing your soul. People are not stupid, they get a sense of your “aura” whether you speak a lie, or live a lie. The truth is bound to come out. Rather be the guy that says “hey I am trying”. You might actually get more opportunities as well because people know the truthful circumstances of your life and people will respect you more. You will also respect yourself more.
Even if you do rock in all aspects, don’t be a doos, be humble, be nice, be nice to those who have more than you but treat the petrol attendant the same. You have nothing to proof to anyone.
As a woman, especially in the work place be kind, be generous, be truthful and straight but be courageous enough to speak up. I have had the worst experiences by in the workplace who felt they were superior and suffered disgraceful bullying. I should have said something, to them to someone but I didn’t. Be brave, speak up don’t be scared to look weak
Most importantly look at yourself in the mirror and be kind to that human. We all have crappy experiences and amazing experiences. We should never let what happened to us define us. You are going to make mistakes and that’s ok, you can’t avoid them but it’s better to make a mistake and learn than to do nothing and accomplish nothing.
I have read the following books which helped me a lot on this journey. I would recommend them in this order of reading:
- The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and The 8th Habit -…
- Crushing It Gary Vaynerchuk
- Mel Robbins – #5SecondRule
As mentioned my instagram was compromised but you can follow me on the new account @Fitworkingmom_CT