“Would you seriously not care if your child is gay?”

What would you do if your child is gay?

“Would you seriously not care if your child is gay?” read the tweet, (it has since been deleted) with an image of two gay men kissing.

Tweet that has since been deleted, the user has also been deleted

I am specifically also referring to boy children in this article because it is relevant to me.

My response in short was that I would be happy for my child, and it’s more important for me that he has a great partner. Whether he is gay or not.  Yes sure, in life “my child must just be happy “ is a shitty attitude. a Pollyanna attitude would mean it would be ok for you if he shoots up heroin, as long as he is happy.  For the record that’s not what I mean at all.

When it comes to someone’s sexual preference, there is very little (I wanted to say that you can do about it). Quite frankly, it has nothing to do with you.  As long as he is not harming himself or harming society then he is absolutely not doing anything wrong.

When you see men or women interacting sexually in public areas or on TV, it is more likely to cause a stir than when straight people get into it. 

 I have personally been around a braai, dinner table and in conversation in general, where the topic of  “your child being gay” is the same tone as death or loss of a child.

In a study released by NBC News it also reports that men are more likely not to accept gay men as opposed to women.  I am talking more about being gay specifically because apparently women who are bi sexual are more acceptable, dare I say “hot” even.

Many men in my social, and professional groups have said with horrified looks “my child will never be gay” as if their child’s sexual preference is a direct reflection on their own masculinity.  In the lesbian community, women, (even though it’s more acceptable to be lesbian than gay survey conducted in 23 countries) they face horrific extremities such as correctional rape according to Wikipedia. 

It happens that people disown their children for being gay. Children are bullied in school because they are gay. Sportsmen don’t disclose their sexual preference because they fear that they will be left out of the team or discriminated against (same as the work place). People are driven out of communities and friendship groups. People get killed. They get raped (It is so common it has a name: corrective rape listed in Wikipedia)

What about religion?

Religion plays a huge role in why being gay is perceived as unacceptable. In closing; I want to share some food for thought from an article it read; Misogyny is defined quite literally as a hatred of women, and this includes a hatred of anyone perceived to be ‘like a woman’. I believe that this is a more accurate explanation for the homophobic aggression towards non-straight men. The reason why gay men are getting so much abuse is because they do not conform to heterosexual male norms, including pursuing women.  Homophobia is entirely underpinned and propped up by patriarchy, (Religion just being the front) and our patriarchal society encourages the policing of the boundaries of what it means to be a ‘real man’ and behave in a truly ‘male’ way

In my home and heart my child is encouraged to be great. 

Be a great man, be a great contributor to society, be good to people.  Make the most of his talents and what he gets given in his life.  What happens if he is gay?  The only problem I will have is if he is with a partner that is not good for his soul or good for his personal development.  If he meets a good partner in return, he must be; compassionate, supportive, a blessing and he must be happy.  I will raise both my sons to embrace people from all colors, races and backgrounds and to respect everyone equally. 

Next time you are in a conversation when someone asks what you would do if your child is gay what would you say?

Next time you are in a conversation when someone asks what you would do if your child is gay what would you say?   If your child tells you that they are gay, are you going to accept it, or close the door and cry for him/her and ask what you done wrong?


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